My whole life was falling apart. Our family was breaking. I was leaving my house that I had poured so much into, and had made a home. I was mourning a failing marriage – the loss of a husband and father. I was crushed, and absolutely devastated for my children. All I could do was put one foot in front of another. All I had was my two babies and my job. I needed to move away. I needed to continue to provide for my children.
Work was great. I threw myself into it, I was a top performer, I knew the job inside out and could do it in my sleep. Everything in my world was being changed, flipped upside down, wrecked. If only I could transfer my job from the location I was at, to the location I was moving, it would be ONE thing that I could keep the same – one less thing to worry about, and one constant. Normally a request like that was easily fulfilled, however this happened to be an abnormal time in the company where there was a hiring freeze – of course.
Those days were hard. I was truly broken. Daily I would take steps to transfer, and daily I would find less hope. I prayed to God, begged God, pleaded, and cried to please let me hang on to this one thing. Ending a marriage, researching lawyers, packing a household and taking care of two babies was enough. I did not want to job search on top of all that.
I drove home from work that night discouraged. I finally let go. Tears flooded my cheeks as God pried my white-knuckled little fingers away from one of the only things I had left. I finally surrendered, I finally let go. God told me that He was more than enough. That night I began to look at other employment options. I leaned on God, trusted Him, and had faith that His way was perfect. I had peace.
The very next morning when I got to work, I was informed that there was a brand new position available. This position was only available in one store in the whole company nation wide.. It was a job grade higher than mine, and two miles away from where I was moving to. There was quite a bit of competition for the position, long story short, I miraculously got the job, which was a promotion, that came with a heavy pay increase. God took care of me in a way better than what I had dared ask for, but He required me to lose my grip and give up “my control” to Him before meeting my every need. He made me listen to his “no” before changing His answer to a “yes.”
As I learn (sometimes the hard way) to listen to God’s voice more and more, sometimes I become confused. You do the right thing. You listened to what God has told you to do. The message was beyond clear, there was no doubt in which direction He was leading. You may have been excited about the new direction God was so obviously leading you in, and ready to give 100%. Then, out of nowhere, God changes the direction. You begin to question the voice of God. If He was so clearly giving me a “yes” why is He now so clearly giving me a “no?” Would God tell us to do one thing, and then change the direction after we have surrendered to His will? Did I hear God right?
“…he stretched out his hands, and took the knife to slay his son.” I can only imagine the tears that stung his eyes, and the incredible sorrowful pressure that must have filled his chest. “But the Angel of the LORD called to him from the heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham!’ So he said ‘Here I am.’ And he said ‘ do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.’ Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son. And Abraham called the place, The-LORD-Will-Provide, as it is said to this day, ‘In the Mount of the LORD it shall be provided.”