A Father for the Fatherless — How it really works

10537040_10153125381214097_5653480763681563782_nIt was just us three. I was twenty three, my son had just turned one the week before, and my daughter was two and a half.  Carter was taking his first steps, and Kaylee was the motherly encourager. I tried to keep their father involved when our brief marriage ended, but he eventually just dropped out completely.  There they were, the cutest, blondest, happiest little toddlers. I was so proud to call them mine, and I couldn’t figure out why someone wouldn’t want to call them their children. They were obvious the cutest kids in the world.  To me I thought most people would give anything to have kids this cute, and this great.  But there they were — fatherless. The big milestones were hard for them. Kaylee started going to preschool at four, and started asking “How come everyone has a dad but me?” Carter didn’t notice the absence at first, because he was too little when he saw his biological father last, but the void missing was obvious. It was only a waiting game until he started feeling the hurt of an absent father.

Nothing hurts more than watching your children’s father completely abandon them.

sad“Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him! Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” Psalms 68:4-5

What a beautiful passage. It has the warm fuzzies. A promise for the fatherless — but that doesn’t pay bills, tuck the kids in, or show up for the father-daughter dance.

I taught my children that even if they didn’t have a father here with them, that their Heavenly Father was all they needed, and He in fact was a better father than any mere human.  I wasn’t sure how that would work. But I believed it, and I seized the promise, and held on to the promise faithfully for fulfillment.

The fulfillment came.

The fulfillment came in ways that are unexplainable to us. We didn’t really have a choice but to believe and seek our Heavenly Father’s care. Suddenly the Father appeared as he mowed our lawn through the hands of a caring church member. The Father appeared when I didn’t haven’t enough to pay rent — through a friend, tithing the exact amount to me in the name of the Father. The Father supported us by providing washers and lawnmowers through the hands and feet of His church. The Father provided us with peace, comfort, and stability by showing us housing far below normal pricing. The Father  took care of us in so many ways — daily!

We talked about it together. I remember telling Kay and Carter that God mowed our lawn, sometimes they would object, but eventually they learned to lean on their Father for their needs. They started saying things like “Wow mom, isn’t God so sweet to us?” They still had a hole from the absence of an earthly father, and the hurt was and most likely always will be there, but they have been able to experience God’s goodness, and the qualities of a great father through Him.  While at a bon fire with some friends, it was told to me that Kaylee explained to some of the kids “Well, we don’t have a dad…” Carter abruptly cut her off: “Yes we do, God is our Father!” Quite a beautiful disaster!

A few years ago, Kaylee had her heart set on a Barbie doll house for Christmas. The doll house had an elevator. The doll house was about $250 and about $200 out of budget. She wanted that doll house so much. I was broke. I was struggling to get by, and like any parent, I would have loved to give her the world. She talked about it for about a month.  I would tell her every time that although I would love to give it to her, she would not get it for Christmas.  She is very empathetic, so she would bring it up, and then explain how she knew we couldn’t get it.  I almost started to get mad after a month of hearing about this stupid, over-priced Barbie house. I asked her to stop talking about it — it was out of the question. About a week before Christmas, I was driving home from picking up my kids after work. It was dark, I turned the corner about two blocks before our house. It was trash night, I needed to remember to put mine out on the curb. My lights shown on a trash can, a recycle bin, and… A Barbie dollhouse with an elevator!!!! It was in perfect condition waiting to be taken away the next morning by the trash men. Of course I immediately pulled over and loaded it into my car (or rather balanced it halfway inside the trunk of my car for the rest of the short way home).

I was so overwhelmed with joy, and provision. I saw on Facebook later that night someone had purchased a Barbie house a bit smaller and it took them hours to assemble. The Father assembled ours before dropping it off for us. What a good, good Father!

“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”
Matthew 7:9-11

996704_10154420442464097_2685115542443039281_nNot only does our Heavenly Father supply all of our needs, but He loves us so deeply that he provides the things we don’t need.  He is a picture of the most beautiful, caring, selflesslove.  He gives us what we wouldn’t even think to ask, He knows the desires of our hearts, He loves us.  Psalm 104 is full of blessings that He has showers us with. Two verse that really touch my heart are verse 14 and 15: “You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man, oil to make his face shine and bread to strengthen man’s heart.”  We don’t need wine, but He gives it to us to make our hearts glad.  Oil was used in a way that we use makeup today — to make their face shine.  Another gift completely unnecessary, but because God loves us so deeply, He provides as a true Father does, and then beyond, healing our hearts, and cradling and protecting us through hardships.

Today, Kaylee and Carter are cared for by their Heavenly Father. One of the ways He has blessed them is by providing a new earthy father.  Through their season of fatherless-ness, they have experienced closeness to the Father, what it is to be cared for by the perfect provider.

As our perfect provider cared for us there were many instances when He would miraculously drop provisions off for us, such as the Barbie doll house, money, clothing, or other needs. Other times He used His hands and feet, the Body of Christ, the church.  Romans 12:27 “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” I charge you — no, Christ charges you — be His body. If anyone calls themselves children of God, let him show it in his reflection of His image. Let us be the hands and the feet of the Father to the fatherless, and so fulfill the commissions of Christ.

Responding to Slander and Silencing the Motivators

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Unfortunately most of us have been there — we hear through the grapevine about some lude tales that have been told about us. Maybe it was something at work, or maybe it was a family member or close friend (or thought to be close friend) that went off the deep end. Hurt sets in, feelings of “why” questions of what steps to take follow. Should I go set the record straight? Will anyone believe me when I tell them the truth? Do people believe the horrible lies being spread about me now? Don’t they know me better than to believe these things? Why would someone go out of their way to defame my character? Why?

Feelings of betrayal and anger set in. Sometimes there may be motivation to go set the matter straight — especially if it is a situation at work. Feelings of hurt, shame and embarrassment. You find yourself dealing with a problem that you did not create, dealing with a tarnished reputation, wondering how far the false words voyaged.  Should you call the person that heard the gossip and set the record straight, or go on not knowing what type of damage is being done to your character.

These blows hurt. They hurt our pride, they fill us with worry, and they feed our insecurities. What if you could shout the truth from a mountain? What if you could let the whole world know what your character is like? There is a way!!! The way we live our lives daily, builds a wall of protection for us. The more we do good, love others, seek truth, and do that which is right, the less believable these tales are, when these situations tragically arise.  Building a foundation of excellent character is the best proactive way to protect from slandering, and continuing in uprightness is the best reactive method. Let you actions, and the way you live your life, shout more loudly and travel more speedily than false rumors are able to. There are times when we do need to address some issues, for example if it effects your children, your workplace, or other non-negotiables, however some times it may be best to keep your chin up, a smile on your face, and proceed with dignity.

There are different motivators for slander and false defamation of character. Two motives that seem to consistently take the cake are: 1. Jealousy and 2.Attention Seeking.

  1. Jealousy is pretty simple to understand; perhaps you are a number one performer at work, perhaps a co-worker becomes envious of the approving mentions associated with your name during team meetings — next thing you know he’s not only searching for an achilles heal, but he’s creating scenarios that never existed.  The hope is that he can lower the way you are viewed to a point where there is a level view of both of you, or that perhaps he can slander you in such a way that the he sinks the viewpoint of you to even lower than his! Although this sounds dreamy to a common slanderer — the good news is this is not usually a successful plight. man-yelling-at-woman
  2. Attention Seeking can sometimes be a bit harder to put your finger on. Generally this plays out when there is a desire for attention, and no tools to gain positive fulfillment. Perhaps an ex-lover, ex-co-worker, an ex-friend, or a school parent begins to form a habit of slandering your name. With a simple glance this can appear to be done out of dislike — they just don’t like you, so they want to be mean — however with a closer, more in depth look, the true motive can be revealed.  Let’s parallel the two motives. When someone dislikes another person generally they try to avoid interactions, and avoid any reason to communicate together. When someone is seeking attention, they will do almost anything to get it. Children start to act out to gain more attention from their parents, even if the attention is negative, it fulfills the desire to be nurtured, communicated with, and cared for. Adults (especially if that method turned out to be effective as a child) use the same method — although a bit more polished looking — find that they are able to push buttons by spreading false rumors and accusations, which in turn trigger communication from the desired source. Even though the communication is negative, they are able to get attention from the person on target. Slander is a way that many times insures a lot of attention.

So how do we silence the slander? We use our discernment. If the slander is causing problems with a non-negotiable, we follow up and set the record straight. If we are dealing with slander such as the attention seeking type, we give the method zero results. As hard as it is to swallow your pride, and walk away from the desire to “tell them a thing or two” or to “share your side of the story” the best thing possible is to starve the hungry beast. By reacting to the attention seeking slander, you are giving the slanderer a success! They taste sweet victory and are sure to get another bite by firing off again.

How do we deal with the betrayal? We turn the other cheek. We forgive seven times seventy.  “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.’ 39But I tell you not to resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on your right cheek,turn to him the other also; 40if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well;…”

On the night of the last supper, Jesus knew who was betraying Him. He knew where the false loyalties were. He picked up a basin, filled it with water, and began wiping the dirt off Judas’ feet. He humbled Himself. He lowered Himself below that of His betrayer. He served, while setting an example of true humility and beautiful selflessness. We are to be wise as serpents, gentle as doves, and as humble and selfless as Jesus.

Would You Really Kill a Gorilla for Your Child?


So much controversy over a single gorilla.  Someone mentioned today that cows are slayed every day but no one seems to care.  As a parent, most seem to think it’s a no brainier to put a bullet in the head of a massively strong animal that has your child in it’s arms. The harm that it could cause the child (even unintentionally) is immense — this situation could turn deadly in a millisecond.

Unfortunately too many children (mine included) find themselves in situation far worse than in the hands of a silverback.  The reason we chose to pull the trigger is to prevent long term, life altering damage, damage that can not be undone, and even if healed will leave a nasty scar.

How many times do we as parents see our children in those dangerous hands, and do nothing at all, or even worse, we throw our children to the gorilla? We pat it on the head, and sacrifice little parts of our children to the gorilla of our tempers, the gorilla of our exhaustion, our pride, harsh tongues, broken down emotions, or selfish desires. These gorillas of the heart have much harsher long term effects on our children than Harambe ever could, such as hurt, instilling poor behaving in our children through our less than perfect example, the lack of self-confidence, disappointment, and many other long term side effects.

Question is; are we willing to pick up the gun, pull the trigger, and kill those gorillas?

Stress, Anxiety, Panic

1475973_10152423323564097_804826418_nBeing a single parent with 100% custody comes with a lot of responsibility.  Sure, there are people that help out, but ultimately no one cares or invests to the level of a parent. I find myself responsible to pay the bills, unable to tag team in the raising and disciplining of my children, and without support when I just can’t take it anymore. I have found myself in positions where I had worked a seventy plus hour week, had to choose which utility bills to pay vs which ones I could stretch out until the next pay period – no child support here, no idea who I would be able to find to watch my children while I work, short on sleep, a messy house, no clean laundry… and the list goes on – not to mention the judgement I have faced from others. These things that I face seem to have no resolution other than enduring until my children reach adulthood. I feel as though I have been robbed of my motherhood, and missed their childhood. It used to be a regular thing to carry a diaper bag slung over my shoulder, one sleeping toddler in each arm, and trek across a block or two of parking lots to my apartment at two in the morning – just getting home from work.

What I am trying to say is that I am familiar with an overwhelmingly stressful amount of responsibilities. These are not the things a typical twenty-three year old American female faces – but I was facing them. So how are we to deal with stress? What about worry? What is it that triggers panic, gives us anxiety, and straight up scares us to death?

I can’t do it anymore.

I will never be enough.

I am going to get an eviction notice.

I am going to mess up my children’s lives.

I am falling short of the pinterest housewife.

I am not making the six figure income the other fathers are making.

I can’t stay awake.

I am suffering physically because:

I don’t have time to take care of myself.

I don’t have time to be a mother, a father, a provider, and a housewife.

I can’t go to the gym because:

I can’t afford a babysitter for pleasure.

I am alone.

I have no one that cares for me.

I can’t do this anymore and I definitely can not last until they are 18.

I will be lucky if I live until 40 with this amount of pressure on me (Yikes that’s not very long!!!!!)

All these worries. All these stresses. Many are legitimate. All off the seem hopeless, and all of them have something in 60457_10150095322499097_1982694_ncommon. They all start with the same letter, the same word. “I.” Recently I had the epiphany that these stressful moments are merely what I have labeled “selfish attacks.” There are so many concerns that seem like they are ok to have, but ultimately if you take yourself out of the picture, how many of them are really left? The crazy thing is that we don’t even have to be concerned about ourselves. We have all that we need through one source. I would never put my children in harms way. So why would my heavenly Father do that to me? I remember coaxing my little Carter to jump into the pool years ago. I can hardly keep him out of the pool now, but there was a time when he would be brought to tears at the thought of jumping in to me. I had him. There was nothing to worry about. Mommy would catch him – and never let him drown. Carter was worried that he would die. I had to convince Carter to let go of his worry, and give his worry to me. His job was to move forward. My job was to catch him. He had nothing to worry about – that was my job. Carter had to stop thinking about himself and all his worries and focus on my direction.

There is Rest

1001754_10152039268089097_219248586_nPsalm 55:22 proclaims “Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you.” Over and over the Bible tells us not to worry. Matthew 11:28-30 records Jesus’ precious words; “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Nowhere are we told to worry. In fact, we are instructed quite the opposite. We are told again by Jesus in Matthew 6:34 “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” There is one more precious gem I must include from Matthew 10:29-31, straight from the caring lips of Jesus “ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?[b] And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

When we do as instructed, we are never to worry. He will take care of any needs we have.  My God will supply all my needs. Our earthly concerns are essentially centered around ourselves, and our own selfishness. When we stop focusing on ourselves, and start focusing on greater things – loving and serving others and glorifying the one that takes care of us – our stress vanishes, our anxiety ceases to exist, and our panic is starved to death.

Do not worry my friend, simply rest in His care – have peace knowing that His grace is sufficient. He is more than enough.

Cherry Lips and Pretty Pearls – A Contagious Tale of Drab to Fab

Recently there has been a new girl. The service became instantly terrible. Becky was too scared to speak audibly, too timid to come to the counter without being beckoned, and the latte was cold. I guess I don’t mind cold coffee so much – Becky is a very pretty, sweet, looking girl with the lightest, softest blond hair, and a beautiful fair complexion. She looked so scared that she could have burst into tears at any moment. I thanked her for my (cold) coffee, threw some small talk her way, and had my first cold latte. It wasn’t too bad. Over the months she has learned how to nail a white chocolate mocha, and even come to the counter without being coaxed. She smiles a little now, and still nervously shakes a lot.

baristal come here every week. Every Monday night I have about 24 minutes of downtime. This is almost awkward because I am not used to being in public without a child literally pulling at me, or a client figuratively (and sometimes literally) pulling at me. …but here I am. I enjoy my coffee, knock out a proposal, or sometimes just stare blankly and don’t do a thing – because I can.

Then today… I walked up to the counter. Becky was nowhere in sight. Instead there was a brunette with a perfect bun. Her back faced me as she confidently bustled about fixing the customer’s drink that stood between the counter and me. She had HUGE pearl earrings, and perfectly blushed cheek bones. She was just about perfect from the back. In my boredom I wondered if her face was as pretty as the rest of her. She turned around with a bright energetic smile, and sure enough, Violet was the complete package. She was even able to persuade me to try the new holiday flavored drink – WHICH I LOVED!

I took my spot and settled in. Out popped Becky from the back room. I almost didn’t recognize her. She had her hair in a beautiful side braid, she moved with confidence, wore a sincere smile, and she donned cherry red lipstick. I used to think Becky was a very pretty girl, but now she was stunningly gorgeous! Over the course of one short week Becky had transformed from a timid, shy, and dowdy, to beautiful, radiant, and confident. The energy in the coffee shop had changed – so had Becky. Violet’s demeanor, energy, and encouragement had inspired Becky to let her beauty shine, and to step forward in the same confidence that her new peer so easily exhibited.tswiz2

There are two takeaways from Violet and Becky. The first one is something you can’t log into social media without being bombarded by; surround yourself with positive people that lift you up, they will influence you and mentor you in powerful ways. That being said, the second takeaway is quite the opposite. Although we are bombarded with little quotes telling us not to interact with people that are not positively impacting us, we need to remember that there is a time and a place where we need to be exposed to and interact with people that are not going to lift us up. There are negative Nancys and bashful Beckys that can easily pull down our spirit – fearful of the glass that appears to be half empty, and possibly a bad influence. Although it is true that we must be careful as a rotten apple spoils the barrel, following Violet’s lead, when we cross paths with someone that may not have the potential to enlighten or empower us, take the initiative to shine your light in their darkness. We are instructed to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel.” We preach the gospel from our everyday interactions – by loving more, by encouraging one another and building each other up, not by rejecting those that in our eyes are not worth our time or meet the expectations to be in our life. Let your light so shine, that men may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven. Lights don’t “shine” where there is already light, they shine the most in the darkness. Find darkness, and start shining. Be contagious! That is true empowerment. Well done Violet and Becky.

The Broken Crib

crib

Rivers of tears.  Rivers and rivers, accompanied by some sniffling, and a wet hand trying to smear away the bursting streams that flooded – refusing to cease. My tears. The crib was broken. My son Carter had outgrown it, he was sleeping in a cute little toddler bed – perfect for him. My oldest daughter Kaylee was a good 18 months ahead of him. I had no reason for a crib. I had envisioned giving the crib to someone that needed one but was having a tough time financially. I didn’t have anyone specifically in mind yet – no one was at a loss.

I was working hard at getting divorced. I hadn’t shed a tear about my divorce since I had moved out of state about nine months prior. I was surprised at how good I felt about it. I was waiting for a melt down. People would give me their sympathies, but I didn’t even feel sad about it. I had escaped a terrible situation and my life was getting better! In fact it had already gotten quite a bit better! It was amazing how I did not miss my ex-husband. I thought I would feel a huge loss, but instead I felt cold, tainted, and anything but emotional. At this point no one, or nothing could hurt me.

Then the crib broke. I had refused to get rid of it claiming I would give it to someone in need – which I would have done. But someone broke it when they were moving it while in storage. The breaking was more than I was able to handle, and exceeded anything I had been prepared for. It was just an old crib. Why the big fuss?

We all know divorce can be pretty terrible. We talk about losing a spouse, some children unfortunately lose parents, houses, finances, lifestyles, possessions, you name it, it’s taken. Your identity is ripped from you and you are left to “start over” – which starting over is essentially a joke if you are just trying to survive juggling single parenthood.

We had always planned on having more precious little babies. Carter would be such a great big brother, and maybe we would have another little girl to take shopping with Kaylee and me. I tried not to let those thoughts run. I had enough to think about and those thoughts were just absolutely silly and ridiculous. Of all the loss I was going through, the future of more children was absolutely absurd to me. I already had two healthy babies, and I had even been so lucky to have one boy and one girl *perfect.*

splinter

This was it. The final. No baby would ever lay there again. There would be no more late nights, early mornings, no more baby cooing, no more baby smells… Just like that in an instant it all became final. The past can hurt us, and leave some pretty heavy scaring, but letting go of something the future once held can surprise you and cut you up just as conivingly. Carter would be my baby. Our family was broken, but also pre-maturely cut off. I finally felt the loss. There lay splinters of the crib in little pieces. The crib was now just as broken as our little family. The one last thing I had from their baby-hood was gone, as was all momentary hopes of a future…

 

 

 

Papa

papa and kids

The anniversary was this week.  This last summer I was able to visit the resting place of my Papa’s body with my children – for the first time.  A lot more emotion surfaced than I expected.  When I was younger I never imagined my children would visit a grave site, rather than my Papa.  I would have loved to show off my children to my Grandpa, and on the flip side show off my awesome Papa to my little ones.  Love that man.  Here is something from a few years back, a small handful may have seen this before.  🙂

Today marks the ten year anniversary of my “Papa” changing his residence to a far more beautiful home.  Looking back I remember this day ten years ago.  I was wearing a white casual dress, in training at a new job.  I had already completed one week of training.  Suddenly I was called out of my cubicle.  I looked up to see my mother about 50 feet away from me, near the foyer area.  She had a look on her face I was not familiar with.  Immediately I thought someone had died.  Ironically I don’t know why that was my first thought, but my fear was shortly confirmed.

 “Papa died.”  

Immediately I burst into tears sobbing.  Now when something tragic happens my first thought is to question, how do we know this is true, and then I usually go into shock.  At age sixteen it was different, my emotions were less gaurded, and my heart was much more tender.  I kind of miss the pure emotion of that age.  Although I am thankful I can easily put on a front now a days.  We moved into a small conference room, got ourselves together, and went home.

I still can’t believe he is gone.  I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights following.  There were so many moments in that specific day that are SO impact-full to me.  Looking back I do not even really understand how I had time to experience all that I did in that one day.  

Walking into my house and seeing my grieving family.  Trying to comprehend that my dad had just lost his father and what that must be like.  My little brother had lost one of his heroes.  Appropriately it began to rain.  Pouring rain.  Weeping rain.  I went on a run.  I had sweat pants on, I was soaked, and I could cry.  No one could distinguish the tears from the rain. I listened to my music and ran.  I went to the park and swung in the rain.  The park was empty, no one was there.  The sun was no where in sight, the world was sad.  A wet, sad, cold, empty world, with a vacancy that no one could ever fill.  There was no other Papa.  He was gone.  God had taken him.  He never knew how much I had loved him.  I never knew how much I had loved him.

I think I could go on for about twenty pages…. the first time I returned to his home….  seeing specific relatives display different emotions… the strength of my dear grandma…..  

There were some bible verses that helped to get me through these times.  I wrote them on a notecard, and eventually gave them to my Grandma.  It was the only thing I had to offer her along with my love and hugs.  They were verses about God’s comfort.  Most of them were written by David.  I remember one was the ever popular “joy comes in the morning.”  I can tell you it is true.  Joy does come in the morning.  God’s timing is perfect.  I miss my Papa.  I would not do anything to bring him back.  I know that he is in the perfect place.  I want him to stay there and never come back.  I miss him.

The closeness that was displayed by my whole extended family was amazing.  There was grief, love, memories, hugs, and comfort.  It was also a spiritual time.  It made a strong family closer.  Unconditional support, love, and faith.  (Oh, and an unconditional supply of food lol)  

God has comforted, supplied our needs, and let us remember a truly great man.  Experiencing the death of my Papa was a good experience.  He is loved and missed greatly by all.  I will never stop missing him while on this earth.  I dream of a family reunion  in heaven lol….  we will see about that one lol….  I don’t know if they have those up there 😛 

I am thankful for the Papa that my children have to call their own.  Although they do not have the joy of meeting my Papa, just like my little brother, my son has a Papa to look up to as his hero.  My Papa would be proud of their Papa.

papa

Your Love Language – Inspired and On Fire

love language

Have you taken the test? There is a book written, and there is an online test about your love language. I can tell you which love language I speak according to the test. It seems to be the rage. Admirers ask about it, and friends post about it. Don’t get me wrong it’s always interesting “finding out more about yourself,” but what is the real benefit of knowing your love language? I have had a few “deep” conversations about love languages. All of these conversations were with people that wanted to learn how to love me better. After the conversations ended, I walked away with a warm fuzzy feeling – these people wanted to learn how to love me better. That feeling faded, as the promises took the form of a lovely unrealistic, far fetched fairy tale – out of reach, and out of this world.

What if we made it a little more simple. Throw away the test, set down the book, and end the lofty conversations. “Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” Wow, so simple. How many times can you look back at a love that has gone wrong, and heal it with that short sentence.

Have you ever been shocked when someone tells you they love you? We already know they love us well before they dare express it in words. Our love languages should not be focused on how we like to receive love, but on how we love others. These love languages that we speak to others are some of the most precious gifts we are given. They come in different forms, a heavenly love, and a unique love.

love welcomeThere was a day when many believers were gathered together.  The Holy spirit cam upon them, and they were gifted with the gift of speaking different languages. Here is a picture of what it would have looked like: Jose – who only knew Spanish – suddenly began speaking Mandarin to Liu, and Liu understood every word Jose uttered.  These were words from the Holy Spirit.

Today we are also given languages and words to speak to others, that not all can understand. I have a dear friend that speaks a language I can not, she speaks it beautifully, and is able to touch others. She speaks the language of a widow – I don’t know that language. There is another friend that is able to reach some that I can only speak to at a broken level. He speaks the language of a drug addict. He is recovered now, but he can speak to others fluently in a language that many of us can not. In reality all of the things that have happened to us, give us another love language. I can speak single mom fluently. I can speak broken, young, hurting girl, I can speak divorced, and many other languages.

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The crazy part is, so many of us are bilingual when it comes to the love languages that we speak, but we insist on keeping it a secret. We only speak the language that we deem most accepted, when there are people that could benefit from even a few words. 

I came around the corner. I saw Michael speaking Spanish to one of our customers. I had worked with Michael for a year now, and had never heard him speak Spanish before. I immediately thought of all the times he could have helped our Spanish speaking customers – he would have benefited the company with his gift – a valuable asset. Turns out Michael was embarrassed. His mother could not speak English, and he viewed himself and his mother as lower in society, when I viewed him as more valuable. Rather than taking on the same view as Michael, speak your languages, make them your love languages! Shout them from the mountains, and embrace your gift of a diverse love!

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3 Reasons Good Girls Like Bad Boys

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It happens all the time, without fail. The sweetest girl goes for that terrible worthless bad boy – AGAIN! She has so much to offer, the perfect catch, yet she chooses a boy (we can’t even bear to call him a man) a handful of notches below her level. We cringe when we see our girlfriends, sisters, and daughters make the same mistake of picking up bad boys over, and over again. It isn’t usually a one time slip up, but some type of pattern that repeats itself – one jerk after another, always resulting with a broken heart and a swollen face full of masquara infused tears.

As we watch these relationships repeat themselves like a chapter on a scratched DVD, we figure there has GOT to be a reason for all of this madness. What could possibly cause a beautiful, well rounded, bright-futured female to stoop to the levels of an unaccomplished unqualified bad boy, that would treat her nothing even remotely close to what she is worth? Well, in reality there is an endless number of reasons that could cause a good girl to fall for a bad boy, but there are three major reasons that seem to be the most common triggers:

Scream and shout: Two girls scream as they face a downward spiral of fear

1. The Good Girl emotional adrenaline junkie. Bad boys tend to be more adventurous, and less predictable. Go back to the time when your significant other told you they loved you for the first time. Remember that emotional high, the euphoric sense of being free from all gravity, and savoring those sweet words you have waited so long to hear. There will never be a first time of “I love you” again in that relationship, never again will you feel that same high… unless… unless you can get to a place so low and so dark that even the dimmest ray of hope will be enough of a contrast that you will feel as if you are inches from the sun, giving you that same crazy high you experienced before. Let’s face it the lower the lows, the higher the highs seem to feel. These emotional adrenaline junkies can’t bear an even keeled ride.

2. He’s a really great guy with a good heart. Or, better said – he looks really good, and he’s a charmer. The excuse: “He’s a really great guy underneath that bad boy exterior.” The fairy tale: “I will change him, he will change for me, he just hasn’t met anyone worth changing for yet. He just hasn’t met anyone like me.” The reality: Although your ego tells you otherwise, this guy isn’t changing for anyone, and guess what; you can’t change him. Until he decides to make a real change for himself, he is unrescuable from the life of a bad boy.

3. They associate love with hurt. This is my least favorite reason, and perhaps the most common of them all. It could be a parent, sibling, friend, or even a past hurtful relationship that breeds this association. The one that loves them the most – or is supposed to love them the most – hurts them the most. When the one that is supposed to be meeting the need of love in their life begins hurting someone, that is where the association comes in. The role of a lover becomes distorted. When a good girl gets hurt by a bad boy, she associates the hurt to the same hurt her parent/friend/ex lavished her with, and expects that because she is feeling the same hurt, she will also feel that same love – which she will, but it will never be the right love, and it will never be enough.

What are your thoughts on why good girls go for bad boys?

 

© 2016 Leah J. Dillon
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